Facing Your Biggest Fear: Will I Ever Feel Like Myself Again?

You didn’t expect this—not fully, at least. Sure, other moms told you about the sleepless nights and the exhaustion, but no one can truly prepare you for how motherhood reshapes your sense of self. It’s like someone explaining how to ride a bike: they can describe the process, but you only truly understand once you’re on the bike—wobbling, falling, and trying again. As you navigate this process, fear creeps in—fear of falling, fear of failing, and fear of losing control. Suddenly, you’re left wondering if rediscovering your identity as a mom is even possible.

Motherhood and Fear: A Complex Connection

Motherhood carries its own unique fears, and one of the deepest is this: Will I ever feel like myself again?

You’ve felt it, haven’t you? That aching, suffocating fear. It sneaks up on you in quiet moments, like when you catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror and barely recognize the person staring back.

You remember her—
She laughed more, handled stress with ease, and carried herself with confidence. She felt beautiful, sexy, and sure of herself.

But now?
She feels distant, buried under diapers, laundry, and the mental checklist of a thousand tasks.

This fear isn’t just about exhaustion or sleepless nights. Instead, it’s tied to the unsettling thought that maybe you’ve lost yourself for good. And yes, that thought is terrifying.

But There’s More to the Story

Here’s what I need you to hear: it’s not the whole story.

There’s a way forward—a path to reclaiming parts of yourself. Not by going back to who you were before, but by stepping into a new, empowered version of you. This journey is about facing your fear head-on and learning to embrace the process of rediscovering your identity as a mom. This approach requires actionable steps that when used can make a considerable difference.

Name Your Fear Out Loud

Fear thrives in silence. When we don’t take the time to name what’s bothering us, it sits in the background, shaping how we think and react without us even realizing it.

So, take a moment to reflect. What is the fear you’ve been carrying?
Maybe it sounds like this:

• I’ll never feel good in my body again.
• I’ll never feel confident or strong again.
• I’ll never be the person I used to be.

By naming your fear, you take the first step toward understanding it and taking away its power. It’s no longer an undefined ache—it’s something you can work with and challenge.

Recognizing the narrative in your mind allows you to rewrite it:
“I may not look or feel exactly like I did before, but I’m finding new parts of myself. I am rebuilding in ways I didn’t know were possible.”

Name What You Gave Away

When you feel like you’ve lost yourself, it’s easy to get overwhelmed. Often, the feeling is broad and undefined, making it harder to address.

To reclaim yourself, you need to get specific. Ask yourself:

• What part of me feels missing?
• What did I stop doing that used to make me feel alive?
• What did I love or prioritize before that I no longer make time for?

Take a moment to reflect and write it down. Maybe it was your love for painting, running, or journaling. Perhaps it was the time you spent with friends or the confidence you felt when pursuing your career. By identifying these specifics, you can focus on what you want to bring back into your life.

Reclaim Yourself in Micro Moments

You don’t need to overhaul your entire life overnight. Small steps—or what I call micro moments—are the key to weaving parts of yourself back into your day.

For example, if you love music, turn on your favorite playlist while folding laundry or cleaning bottles. If you miss journaling, start with five minutes before bed using a simple prompt. If you used to love reading, try listening to a podcast or audiobook during nap time.

These micro moments are more than self-care; they’re small yet powerful reminders that you matter.

Build Your New Identity

Feeling like yourself again isn’t about going back to the old you. It’s about stepping into the next version of you. Motherhood has changed you in ways you didn’t expect, and that’s not a loss—it’s an opportunity.

Ask yourself:

• How have I changed?
• What matters to me now that didn’t before?
• What no longer serves me?
• What kind of role model do I want to be for my children?

This journey of rediscovering your identity as a mom isn’t about erasing the changes. It’s about embracing them and finding balance between who you were and who you’re becoming. Motherhood teaches us so much about ourselves, even when the lessons are hard. It’s an invitation to grow, adapt, and discover new strengths.

You’re not just surviving—you’re evolving. And as you step into this next chapter, you’ll be amazed at what you’re capable of.

Free Workbook: Start Reclaiming Yourself

Reclaiming your sense of self is a journey, and it helps to have a guide. I’ve created a free workbook to help you take the next step. This journal will walk you through practical strategies, prompts, and exercises to help you:

• Name your fears and rewrite the narrative.
• Identify what you’ve given away and create a plan to reclaim it.
• Build micro moments into your day that remind you of who you are.
• Start shaping the next version of yourself with intention and clarity.

You’re not lost.
You’re still here, evolving and growing.
And piece by piece, step by step, you’re rediscovering your identity as a mom—
and the amazing version you’re becoming.

You’ve got this.

Book Recommendations

If you know me, I always like to recommend some great books to add value and education to enhance understanding and healing. Here are a few books I recommend. A few I haven’t had a chance to read myself but come highly recommended. Each will explore the “motherhood identity shift” and postpartum mental health.

• “This Isn’t What I Expected: Overcoming Postpartum Depression”
  Co-written with Valerie Raskin, this empathetic guide offers practical strategies for mothers dealing with postpartum depression and anxiety.
• “Motherhood: Facing and Finding Yourself” by Lisa Marchiano
  This thoughtful exploration delves into the psychological transformation of motherhood, drawing on stories and Jungian psychology to help mothers understand their evolving identity.
• “The Postpartum Husband: Practical Solutions for Living with Postpartum Depression” by Karen Kleiman
  While written for partners, this book also offers insights for mothers about navigating identity shifts and mental health challenges with support.
• “Matrescence: On the Metamorphosis of Becoming a Mother” by Lucy Jones
  Exploring the concept of “matrescence” (the process of transitioning into motherhood), this book highlights the parallels to adolescence and the profound identity changes it brings.
• “And Now We Have Everything: On Motherhood Before I Was Ready” by Meaghan O’Connell
  A raw and honest account of one woman’s journey through the emotional and identity struggles of early motherhood.
• “Your Baby, Your Way: Taking Charge of Your Pregnancy, Childbirth, and Parenting Decisions for a Happier, Healthier Family” by Jennifer Margulis
  This empowering guide encourages mothers to reclaim their sense of self and make informed, confident choices throughout motherhood.