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Confessions of a Mom: I Don’t Love Every Moment, and That’s Okay

Motherhood is often painted as a highlight reel of giggles, cuddles, and milestones—but what happens when your reality doesn’t match the picture-perfect expectations? What happens when you find yourself not enjoying motherhood and staring at your kids, wishing you could feel the joy everyone says you should?

You’re not alone. And it’s okay.

As a therapist and a mom, I hear this confession more often than you might think. Moms come to me feeling ashamed, guilty, and stuck in a loop of self-criticism. They tell me they love their kids deeply but don’t love the weight of motherhood—at least not all the time.

What if you give yourself permission to not love every moment? In fact, admitting that to yourself can be the first step toward uncovering what’s really going on beneath the surface—and finding ways to make motherhood feel lighter, more connected, and even joyful again.

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Why Motherhood Feels So Heavy When You’re Not Enjoying It

Motherhood is heavy because it’s layered. You’re not just raising kids; you’re navigating an endless to-do list, societal expectations, your own self-doubt, and a lack of support. Add in sleep deprivation, emotional exhaustion, and the mental load of caring for others, and it’s no wonder joy feels like a distant memory.

Feeling like you’re not enjoying motherhood doesn’t mean you’re failing—it means you’re human. Let’s dig into why you might be feeling stuck right now and, more importantly, how to start feeling better.

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1. Uncover the Why: What’s Stealing Your Joy When You’re Not Enjoying Motherhood?

Before we can move forward, we need to understand what’s holding you back. Here are a few hard questions to consider:

• Are you chasing perfection? Are you holding yourself to impossible standards of what a ‘good mom’ should be?
• Do you feel supported? Or are you trying to do everything on your own?
• Are you taking care of yourself? Or are your needs always at the bottom of the list?
• What do you actually enjoy? Have you lost touch with the things that light you up outside of motherhood?

Write down your answers. Be honest. Sometimes the simple act of naming your struggles can feel like a release.

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2. Stop the Guilt Loop and Reframe Your Thoughts

Guilt thrives on unmet expectations. You think, “I should feel happy. I should love every moment,” but those expectations are impossible to meet.

Try reframing your thoughts:

• Instead of: “I shouldn’t feel this way,” say: “It’s okay to feel this way right now.”
• Instead of: “I’m a bad mom for not enjoying this,” say: “I’m a good mom because I care about how I feel and how I show up for my kids.”

Let go of the idea that loving your kids means loving every moment. The two are not the same. Feelings are not permanent.

For more ways to combat guilt, check out my blog on How to Overcome Postpartum Mom Guilt.

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3. Find Joy in the Small Things Even When You’re Not Enjoying Motherhood

Joy doesn’t have to come from elaborate plans or perfect moments. It often sneaks up in the small, quiet spaces.

• Pause and notice: Take a moment to notice your child’s laugh, the way they hug you, or even just how they look when they’re sleeping.
• Let go of the script: Stop trying to manufacture perfect moments. Instead, be present for the messy, real ones.
• Focus on connection, not performance: Instead of worrying about planning a Pinterest-perfect activity, ask your child what they want to do with you for the next 10 minutes.

You can read more about rediscovering joy in my post on Breaking the Overwhelm of Motherhood.

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4. Shift from Surviving to Thriving Without Adding More to Your Plate

When you’re already overwhelmed, the idea of “thriving” can feel out of reach. But thriving doesn’t have to mean doing more. It’s about doing things differently.

• Set a boundary: Say no to one thing this week that’s draining your energy.
• Ask for help: Whether it’s a partner, friend, or therapist, don’t be afraid to share the load.
• Create one moment for yourself each day: Even five minutes to breathe, drink coffee, or sit in silence can help you feel less depleted.

For additional strategies on managing stress, check out this helpful resource from The Park Center.

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5. Know That You’re Not Alone in Not Enjoying Motherhood

Even if you have a healthy baby and nothing to “complain about,” it’s okay to feel this way. You’re not ungrateful or broken—you’re a mom trying your best in a world that doesn’t always make it easy.

You deserve to feel connected, fulfilled, and supported. If that feels impossible right now, know that small shifts can make a big difference. Start by giving yourself permission to feel what you feel without judgment—and take one small step today toward feeling lighter and more like yourself again.

For further support, you can visit Postpartum Support International, an excellent resource for moms struggling with postpartum emotions.

Motherhood doesn’t have to be all or nothing. You don’t have to love every moment to love your kids or be a good mom. And you don’t have to settle for just surviving—you can find your way back to joy, one small, practical step at a time.