Experiencing intrusive or scary thoughts after having a baby can be deeply unsettling and confusing. Many moms wonder if they’re alone in feeling this way or worry about what these thoughts mean. But here’s the good news—you’re not alone. Many new moms experience postpartum intrusive thoughts—unwanted, vivid mental images or “what if” fears that feel distressing. Often, they have nothing to do with your actual intentions or character. Instead, they’re a common, though misunderstood, aspect of postpartum mental health.

Some common intrusive thoughts new moms experience might include:

• “What if I drop the baby?”
• “What if the baby slips under the water during a bath?”
• “What if the baby chokes on their bottle or food?”
• “What if I do something to hurt myself?”

Thoughts like these can feel frightening, making us feel as if we’re losing control or our minds. But these types of thoughts are actually common and have a biological and emotional basis. By understanding what’s behind these thoughts, we can begin to reduce their intensity.

Intrusive Thoughts vs. Intentions: Understanding the Difference

Intrusive Thoughts vs. Intentions: Understanding the Difference

Intrusive thoughts and intentions are often confused, but they are different.

• Intrusive thoughts are unwanted, distressing images or ideas that pop up suddenly—such as fears of harming your baby. They’re known as “ego-dystonic,” meaning they clash with your true self, values, and beliefs. These thoughts are random, involuntary, and fleeting, with no connection to your genuine desires or motivations.
• Intentions, however, are deliberate. They’re motivated by values and aligned with your true self, representing your real goals. Intentions are planned actions, while intrusive thoughts have no intent behind them.

By learning to differentiate between the two, you can lessen the emotional weight of these thoughts and see them for what they truly are: mental “noise,” not a reflection of who you are.

Why Intrusive Thoughts Happen: The Biology Behind Postpartum OCD

There are several biological reasons why intrusive thoughts appear during the postpartum period. Understanding these reasons can help reduce feelings of guilt or shame.

1. The Brain’s Threat Detection System

After childbirth, a mother’s brain becomes hyper-focused on keeping her baby safe. This extra sensitivity means that moms are more likely to perceive potential threats. The amygdala, known as the brain’s “threat detector,” is more active during this period, which can lead to intrusive thoughts, even when no real danger exists. This intense focus amplifies what we fear, making these thoughts more frequent.

2. Hormonal Changes

After giving birth, levels of estrogen and progesterone drop sharply, and this sudden hormonal shift affects mood and emotional sensitivity. At the same time, oxytocin—the “bonding hormone”—increases to help moms bond with their babies and stimulate milk let-down if breastfeeding. While oxytocin boosts feelings of protection, it can sometimes trigger distressing “what if” thoughts. This mix of hormones can lead to guilt, shame, and self-doubt, especially if moms don’t realize how common these thoughts are.

3. The Negativity Bias

Our brains are naturally wired with a “negativity bias” to help us detect and avoid potential dangers. This bias becomes stronger during the postpartum period, making intrusive thoughts feel more real. It’s the brain’s way of preparing for every risk, even irrational ones, which can make these thoughts seem significant and intense.

4. Sleep Deprivation

Sleep is crucial for regulating emotions and clear thinking. For new moms, sleep deprivation weakens the brain’s ability to filter out scary thoughts, making intrusive thoughts feel more intense and harder to ignore. When we’re exhausted, the brain’s control over these thoughts decreases, which can make them feel overwhelming.

5. Increased Neuroplasticity in the Postpartum Brain

Ever feel like you’re a different person since becoming a mom? The postpartum brain is actually undergoing changes, adapting to new responsibilities and priorities. This flexibility, known as neuroplasticity, is beneficial for bonding but also means the brain is more open to stress and heightened emotional responses, making it easier for intrusive thoughts to sneak in.

Managing Intrusive Thoughts: A 6-Step Approach

Intrusive thoughts can feel intense, but with the right tools, you can manage them. Here’s a science-backed approach to help you regain control:

1. Recognize the Thought
   Intrusive thoughts are common and not linked to an increased risk of harm. Notice when you have one and remind yourself that having a thought doesn’t mean you’ll act on it.
2. Label the Thought
   Call it what it is—“an intrusive thought” or “mental noise.” Naming it helps you see it as harmless and as part of your body’s way of protecting your baby.
3. Create Distance
   Labeling the thought allows you to view it as separate from yourself, reducing its emotional impact. Intrusive thoughts aren’t good or bad, and you aren’t bad for having them.
4. Avoid Thought Fusion
   Having a thought doesn’t mean you’ll act on it. Recognizing this prevents intrusive thoughts from feeling threatening. Remember, up to 100% of parents experience these thoughts at some point, so these thoughts aren’t a reflection of your ability to be a good mom.
5. Reframe as Temporary
   See the thought as a brief mental blip, not a reflection of your character. The less importance you give it, the quieter it becomes.
6. Focus on Your Values
   Intrusive thoughts don’t define you—your values and intentions do. Center yourself on the positive aspects of who you are and stay present, reminding yourself that motherhood brings challenges but also immense love.

Support and Resources for Postpartum Intrusive Thoughts

Many resources and books can help moms understand and manage intrusive thoughts:

Maternal Mental Health NOW: A resource hub for maternal mental health, with support groups and educational resources.

Books

• Dropping the Baby and Other Scary Thoughts by Karen Kleiman and Amy Wenzel

• The Motherhood Affidavit: How to Manage Anxiety and Intrusive Thoughts in Motherhood by Brianna K. Chapin

• When Postpartum Packs a Punch: Fighting Back and Finding Joy by Kristina Cowan

• Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts by Karen Kleiman

Organizations and Support

Postpartum Support International (PSI): Provides resources, support groups, and a directory for postpartum mental health.

International OCD Foundation (IOCDF): Offers information on perinatal OCD and resources for intrusive thoughts and anxiety.

You’re an AMAZING mom!

✅ Hormonal shifts, alertness, and lack of sleep can lead to intrusive thoughts—it’s not who you are, just biology at work.

✅ Intrusive thoughts are not a reflection of your intentions or character; they’re part of your brain’s protective instincts.

✅ You’re doing an amazing job! Focusing on your bond with your baby is what truly matters.

✅ With patience and the right strategies, you can manage these thoughts and find peace.

✅ Remember: You are resilient, capable, and more than enough.

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Additional Resources for Support

If you’re looking for more information or need support, these organizations and resources can be helpful:

• Postpartum Support International (PSI): PSI offers resources and support for postpartum mental health concerns, including a helpline and local resources.
• International OCD Foundation (IOCDF): This foundation provides detailed information on perinatal OCD and related resources for individuals dealing with intrusive thoughts and anxiety.
• Maternal Mental Health NOW: A hub for resources, education, and support groups focused on maternal mental health.
• Local therapists who specialize in Postpartum Mood Disorders- NH www.postpartumnh.com
• You may also like to read additional blogs on anxiety here.